The secret to adulthood? Becoming an expert at starting over
The secret to adulthood? Becoming an expert at starting over

Photo Credit: Leisse Wilcox

Leisse Wilcox is a professional human and brand therapist. A single mom of three, she helps women find clarity in what they want, confidence in who they are, and the courage to stay true to both, via speaking, writing, podcasting, and one on one coaching practice. She can be found at LeisseWilcox.ca, or anywhere the tacos are.
The best-kept secret of adulting? Change is the only constant.

And by the time you reach your 30’s, and especially by the time you reach your 40’s, you become profoundly aware that this little adage is the truth. We work so hard to get things just as we want them, just as we like them, and sometimes, just like that – ka-boom: life throws us a curveball that is ours - and ours alone - to handle.

That’s where the second-best kept secret of adulting comes in: reinvention is essential to our success. There are moments of transformation and evolution in our lives - especially as women - that demand strength and grace as we start over. Whether it comes in the form of divorce, illness, career change, motherhood, or loss of a loved one, there is a certain point when you realize the only way through, is through.

For me, this was the combination of divorce followed by a career change, followed by a breast cancer diagnosis: a whole lot of change in a very small window of time meant I have become an expert in starting over. During these rapid (and epic) life transitions, stacked back to back to back, I found myself solely responsible for making all of the decisions, even the seemingly scary or boring ones that I had tuned out and avoided most of my adult life.

It’s no secret that women are the primary decision-makers in a family, whose voice carries more weight than tends to be let on; but when you find yourself at the helm of a massive transition ship, steering it solo, the reality of it can feel incredibly overwhelming, as you become aware of just how much is at stake here.

The trick? Make your life as easy as possible. Really and truly.

Even in the face of hardship, when it feels like things are just spiraling off balance and out of control, the key is to figure out what you can control: how you show up, how you behave, how you engage your words and mind, and what you choose to invest your time in. Online platforms (think: online groceries, pre-booking everything, and Sonnet Insurance make certain things a no brainer - given the option between making an appointment, going to said appointment in person, parking, waiting, silently watching my phone clock for how long I have left before my next call starts, or kids need to be picked up… I literally do not have time to be everywhere at once.

Choosing instead to figure out the best home and auto insurance make certain things a no brainer - given the option between making an appointment, going to said appointment in person, parking, waiting, silently watching my phone clock for how long I have left before my next call starts, or kids need to be picked up… I literally do not have time to be everywhere at once.

Starting over is riddled with change, adaptation, and opportunities to overcome adversity with tenacity and grace. While you’re figuring out how to do all of that, and do it well, take the pressure off of yourself in as many ways as possible, and take advantage of the online shortcuts we have within our thumbs’ reach.


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